Most
people at some time or other have difficulties in their
relationships with other people,
or at least feel that
there is distress involved in relationships. It
is essential that we face and
realize that every person
has
a concept (perception) of what a relationship should
be for themselves, and unawarely assumes that other
people, including the ones they have or
seek a relationship
with, have the same concept of what a relationship
means as they
themselves do. This is almost
certain not to be true. Therefore, it is desirable to
clarify
and communicate in great detail what each person’s
concept of what they want from
the other person
in the relationship consists of.
Step
1:
The
proposed procedure consists of each person separately
drawing up a list of everything
he or she would
hope to receive from the other person in actions or
attitudes. Each person
should be urged to be completely
open and frank with what they would wish, even
if the
desires seem unreasonable to themselves.
Step
2:
When
the long, detailed list is as complete as the person
can make it, the parties to the
hoped-for relationship exchange their lists.
Step
3:
Each
then, separately takes the other person’s list and separates
it into three lists. On the
A list go the desires of
the other person that this person is happy to agree with,
looks
forward to furnishing or performing and is
delighted
that the other person asks or wishes these. On
the B list go the desires of the
other person that the recipient
does not necessarily disagree with, but which he
or she
would find it very hard to meet, that he or she would
appreciate it being understood
that these are not easy,
that it may take considerable work and help before
these are
possible to do. On the C list go the requests
which the person is opposed to furnishing
and wants
agreement from the requester to never request from
him or her again.
("Not these, buster, not now or ever!")
Step
4:
The
two parties then return each other’s lists in the divided
form, and then meet person-to-person. The
first
point on the agenda for this meeting is to celebrate their
agreement on the A lists, a
nd look forward to enjoying
these activities with each other. The second point
is to express agreement to never request or expect
anything on the C list from each other again.
("If
you still want something like that, don’t want it from
me, and I don’t want to know
about it.") The third
point is to discuss possible ways to help each other
or find sources
of help for each other for the points
on the B list. Finally,
this procedure does not necessarily solve
the problems
in a relationship,
but it certainly clarifies enormously
what the
problems
are, and
allows intelligence
to be applied more effectively. Have Fun!!!
18
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OPTIMUM HEALTH!!!!
